You feel like you’re going to die.

You don’t really know why and no one can tell from looking at you, even looking at your eyes in the mirror, you don’t even know why or what’s going on.

It’s December 2020 and I just finished my first round of gratitude goodbye letters to my parents because I’m thinking, this is it, I’m leaving.

I tell my husband who’s sitting across the table from me that I want him to find a happy, healthy, fun Mama for our boy and that he deserves a loving wife. That I won’t be upset if he remarries fast, but to remember me in the good times.

He thinks I’m being dramatic and tries to convince me (mostly himself) that I’m not going anywhere.

I look in the mirror and my skin is yellow. I’m hunched over and there’s nothing left for me.

I’m eating the food my healing chef has prepared for me because I’ve been told by my cardiologist that I have POTS.

What the hell is POTS? Good question, I didn’t know either. It’s basically a feeling that you’ve run a marathon after you walk down the stairs. When I’m making pancakes for my boy, my heart gets up to 125 and I have to lay down before I pass out.

I don’t know why a 36 year-old healthy, former fitness instructor woman can barely stand up to make breakfast, but here we are.

I can’t get a deep breath, it feels like I’m only inhaling 40% of my lung capacity and I’ve had 3 panic attacks in the last 6 months, after never having anxiety before.

You can see it right? Something is off and there has to be a source.

When I saw POTS, I was like, BUT WHY? When I saw my Epstein Barr Virus numbers had doubled in a year, I asked, BUT WHY!?

I’m eating clean, organic, whole foods, getting fresh oxygen outside, I’m detoxing my ass off in this EMF infrared sauna and feeling like death after but nothing is working.

I was doing everything, listening to meditations, taking epsom salt baths, eating every color of the rainbow, drinking enough water to drown someone and still, I’d lay there breathless at night wondering why my tongue was so big and why I couldn’t swallow.

I got a lymphatic drainage massage that almost killed me and had to schedule a RUSH HYDRATION IV drip to bring some color back to my body.

The drip worked except the next day I had a fever.

I wasn’t even thinking about the hives I had gotten over the last two years because compared to my inability to swallow, the hives didn’t feel like a big deal. That was until we took our brand new trailer out for a spin and after getting a drink I had gotten 100’s of times, my lips blew up.

That damn decaf coconut milk latte attacked me. My eyelids, lips and cheeks were HUGE and it was the first time I was scared of the hives. Seeing your lips expand is truly terrifying.

After 11 years of going to countless doctors, progressively getting worse than better I found an angel who is a gene expert who specializes in MOLD TOXICITY.

I hadn’t even heard about it until I told her my symptoms and before my test results came back, she guessed I was literally dying from toxic mold.

She was right.

Glyphosphate was making it’s pretty little home in my bloodstream, along with Aspergellis and Stach something, it’s a long name that means black mold. Along with other things I can’t talk about right now due to legalities.

I was so happy that finally there was a root to these symptoms, what I didn’t know was that detoxing from mold was going to be very tricky and that over the next 3 months I’d have herxheimer reactions, which means you’re detoxing too fast and it reaaaaaallly hurts.

The most painful/annoying place that the mold has taken over is my lungs.

I’m not a smoker, not a drinker, don’t eat processed foods, exercise (used to, now I go for light walks) and here I am feeling like a 90 year-old smoker. But it’s not like that every day… just most.

My doctor assures me I’m in Phase I of detoxing and says I have about 9 more months to go. We’ll see, my optimism blinds me at times and my inner fire (rage) is like, “watch how fast I can do this!”

I’ve learned that mold moves slowly in most women and takes on average, a year and a half to fully release it’s greedy palms.

I’ll be writing more about the journey here, but if you know someone who’s healing (I don’t like to say struggling/fighting) from mold toxicity, check on them. Most likely they aren’t okay, feel like they are dying every other week and will remember the supporters forever.

This is an epidemic and if you’re struggling with symptoms like these, get yourself tested and don’t take your doctor dismissing you and writing you a prescription for something they’re guessing “might help.”

This picture below was taken during a photo shoot when I was having a panic attack that I smiled my way through. I kept trying to convince myself that I was safe, but it wasn’t up to me. The toxic mold was taking over happy chemicals in my brain and their toxins caused very negative thinking patterns.

If the pandemic taught me anything it’s don’t take anything for granted.

If the mold diagnosis has taught me anything, it’s to always do your research and if something doesn’t feel right, NEVER STOP until you find the answers.

Basically, if you’re in this experience with me (detoxing from mold or helping a friend/family member through this), these are the most helpful pieces of wisdom I can give you:

• drink a ton of clean, filtered water
• work with a professional as you detox
• get your house tested for mold spores
• don’t give up
• stay in a gratitude mindset as much as you can
• don’t exercise when you just don’t have it in you
• remember this is temporary
• if the sauna is too much, work on your detox pathways
• castor oil packs are legit
• sleep as much as you can to aid in healing
• read You Are the Placebo by Dr. Joe Dispenza
• read as many books about healing as you can
• book energy healing sessions
• book hypnotherapy sessions
• have healthy, organic food – you’ll be eating a ton of meat and veggies for the next year
• remove sugar, dairy, gluten, peanuts, alcohol, caffeine, chocolate, mustard and spices (mustard, coffee, chocolate and black pepper is known for being moldy)
• if you must drink coffee, buy the Bulletproof brand (it’s mold-free)
• remove all loose leaf tea – moldy